The Greatest Role

Recently, a colleague and I noticed a former student going down the hall of the high school where we teach fine arts classes. This 12th grade girl was noticeably pregnant. We were both horrified. We called the student into the room where we were and began the normal interrogation. ‘How could you have let this happen?” “Didn’t you know better?” “Why did you not protect yourself?” We had spoken to this girl a few months ago. She was so full of hope for her future. She planned to be a physician; a psychologist. We had spoken to her at length about schools and majors and the time that it would take to reach her goals. She knew who she was and who she wanted to become.

As my colleague and I discussed with her the obvious change of plans this beautiful, bright young woman became visibly upset. I began to think that this grilling was not what she needed. She already knew that she had “messed-up”. She was acutely aware that her plans, while not impossible to pursue, would be more difficult to attain at best with a baby in tow. These things she had probably rehearsed in her mind and heart. I searched for something positive to say to her.

Trying to lighten the air, I said, ‘Well although this baby is not what you planned, you do know that she is not a mistake? God has a plan for her life. Your greatest responsibility will be to help her discover why she is here. What is the divine purpose for life.” I went on to share that she will need to make sure that this child is safe and healthy and given opportunities for mental and spiritual growth.

The more I shared with this student the more I realized that this has been my goal with my three twenty-something children. The educational support, the ballet classes, music lessons, karate classes, hand bell and choir concerts, Bible Studies, not to mention the hours spent on the sidelines of soccer games were all in an effort to help them find their purposes. Why were these children placed in my care? What could I do to make certain that they find out what their contribution to the world would be? There is an obvious fine line between exhausting our children with ceaseless activity and providing the exposure they will need in order to have choices in life. This, I believe, is a parents greatest challenge.

The student’s countenance lighted as I shared this slant on motherhood.. She said, “Wow, Ms. Rita, I never heard of that before. Thank you for telling me that.” I felt so much better. I did not want our exchange to leave her feeling any worse than I am sure she already did. I, on the other-hand, am still meditating on what I said to her. I hope I have helped my children find their purposes. I am aware that even though they are all grown-up, I believe my most important role in their lives is to help them discover, why they are here.

Bucket List
I have given some thought to the idea a of developing personal bucket list. It is my understanding that a "bucket list" is a list of things that you might like to accomplish or at least experience before you die. It seems to me that the usual "bucket list" comes about as a result of a revelation of one's mortality. In the movie, The Bucket List, the principal characters have been given a death sentence by their physicians and as a result, they decide to do the things that they feel that they must do before dying. Well, that sounds good. Actually, I have a bucket list of sorts. It includes; visiting the Grand Canyon with my mind and heart so focused on the awesomeness of God that I almost have an out-of-body experience (at least that is the way I imagine it) and going to Greece and dancing among the ruins the way Martha Graham did, also having an out-of body experience. Come to think of it, many of my bucket list items would include the possibility of an out-of-body experience. I guess I enjoy the idea of teetering between dimensions.
However, since I tend to be more of a glass-half-full kind of person, I have decided that there must be better motivation for a to-do list than the revelation of my mortality. I am not in denial. I would just rather embrace the idea of what I might get to do instead of what I must hurry and do before...
So, here is a list of things that I would love to have the privilege of doing starting tomorrow.

~see my children's dreams come true
~do one random act of kindness daily
~visit the Grand Canyon ( I already mentioned the spiritual part)
~forgive someone that does not deserve it (that’ll show them!)
~go to Greece and dance among the ruins (like Martha Graham did)
~love someone who is totally unlovable
~ride the Orient Express
~go on safari in Kenya and take award winning photos
~be patient when I would be justified to be anxious
~see the beauty in something or someone that is aesthetically challenged
~go to New Zealand and visit elementary schools-I hear that they are incredibly effective
~spend one night in an ice motel in Canada (just one --brrrrrr)
~be caught up in reading the latest children's books
~have a meal alfresco in Tuscany with my three children
~meet someone that is capable of unconditional love (Oh wait, I already did that- Yeshua)
~dig a well somewhere where there is no water
~be a best selling author
~wear a size 6 again
~spend a week at a spa retreat in Egypt (sounds almost redundant, huh?)
~visit the Amazon Forrest and take award winning photos
~cruise in Alaska
~help to build a Habitat House
~teach lots of people, young and old, how to read
~be a consistently better person
~inspire others to be consistently better people
~get a part in a Broadway Musical (it can be a small part)
.....to be continued......

Growing Up

Today, I heard the first lady of the United States say, "The question that I do not like to hear young people asked is, 'What do you want to be when you grow up?" She went on to say that she, in her mid-forties still does not know. I have often had the same thought...I do not know what I want to be when I grow up. At 53, I have completed a career (in teaching), begun another in the non-profit sector and still wake up excited about the possibilities that life holds. My three beautiful twenty-something children have affectionately nick-named me “Peter Pan“. Partly, because I jump around a lot. There was no diagnosis for ADHA in the 50’s.
Maybe, because I am 5 feet 1 inch tall and wear my hair short and still get really giddy when I see a rainbow.
More likely it is because, I refuse to get old and settle into what life seems to have dealt me. Every time I teach something new to my students, whether teaching ballet or tutoring a reading student, I seem to discover something new about myself and about life itself.
I do not know what I want to be when I grow up because.....I am resisting the whole idea of growing up. I have observed adults. Their glasses are half empty and evaporating rapidly. They accept things like being over weight and arthritis and digestive disorders and being out-of-the-loop of technology as if they are the trophies of decades breathing. The more decades they’ve sucked air into their lungs, the more curses they gladly invite on their person. Um......NO! Why do people grow up if that is what they have to look forward too?
Why do people invite this? A seventy year old ( actually 10 but that is dog years) Sussex won the Westminster Dog Show recently. Selah!
So, I prefer to think of so called “middle-aged-spread” as natures way to tell me to wake-up and pay attention to my body if I did not do it prior to the wake-up call. It’s time to modify the intake of empty calories and increase the exercise level. I see graying hair as a token of longevity or a call to get a make-over. Make-overs are fun! The desire for a red convertible is more than the mark of a "crises”. It is actually a reminder that I no longer need to make room for a car-seat and I might actually be able to use that empty-nest-extra-cash for a really big shiny toy. As for that (ahem) new relationship...I can become the new person in the relationship or since that did not quite work out, I just might embrace the possibility of becoming a cougar. Ha Ha That is new!
I heard someone say today, “Life is not certain, eat desert first.” (Then, be prepared to exercise, of course)
I guess this rant is just to say, “LIVE, for-goodness-sake”. Life is amazing. God is amazing. If anyone or anything has tried to drain you of your desire to live and grow. If circumstances have caused you to forget your child-like-ness. If you think that age or environment or relationships or detours have made you forget that life is new EVERYDAY. Know this, literally, everyday is a re-birth. Yesterday is irrelevant if you have a fresh thought today. Yesterday was merely a stepping stone to today. You survived yesterday just so you could get to today. 20-30-40’s were preparation for the 50’s.
I am so excited!!! I don’t think I will grow up today either. I will receive the morning air as a kiss from God. I will feel the wind as an embrace that I have never felt. I will listen for a new sound in an old song. I will try to have some new experience today even if it is as simple as walking into a new shop to see what it smells like. (I do not have to buy anything)
Middle-age brings so many new possibilities, adventures even angles.
So, I am going to decide what I want to be when I grow up and then do it with out the growing up part.