Teaching Our Children the Importance of Giving Back

During my annual, “What do want to accomplish this year” meditation in early January, I realized that this would be a year when I wanted to do a lot of volunteering. I would treat “sowing seed” in my community as a vocation. So, I sought out occasions to give.
I began by preparing dinner once day per month at a local shelter for women and children. That has been a very satisfying experience. On several occasions, I was accompanied by one or more of my twenty-something children. They loved it. My 13 year old niece reluctantly went with me on one of these times of service. She was surprised at how gratifying it was. My 17 year old niece was required by her school to do community service in order to graduate. She so enjoyed living and working with the children at a camp for children with special needs. She plans to do it again next summer just for the joy of it. She bonded with several of the children and wants to remain in their lives.

This summer I found myself volunteering at 4 different camps. I have noticed that in each instance, other volunteers brought their teen-aged children along. I realize that part of the motivation in the summer is that the kids need to be “somewhere” so they might as well follow the mothers to volunteer. However, the other motivation must be how rewarding it is to see your children/teens doing something totally unselfish in the “I-Me-My” world that our children live in.

I noticed back during the winter holiday season that many people put money in their children’s hands to put in the red buckets outside of department stores. What a wonderful way to get even toddlers into the habit of giving.

With all of the problems that we have experienced over the past decade: tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes, wars…etc. we can find some redemption in the fact that more of us are sharing the blessings of benevolence with our children. Teachers are encouraging their classes to collect money, prepare gifts, write letters and serve in other ways. Following up with these lessons at home by allowing our children to see us
“paying-it-forward” unites us in a way that should make us all very proud.

The Greatest Role

Recently, a colleague and I noticed a former student going down the hall of the high school where we teach fine arts classes. This 12th grade girl was noticeably pregnant. We were both horrified. We called the student into the room where we were and began the normal interrogation. ‘How could you have let this happen?” “Didn’t you know better?” “Why did you not protect yourself?” We had spoken to this girl a few months ago. She was so full of hope for her future. She planned to be a physician; a psychologist. We had spoken to her at length about schools and majors and the time that it would take to reach her goals. She knew who she was and who she wanted to become.

As my colleague and I discussed with her the obvious change of plans this beautiful, bright young woman became visibly upset. I began to think that this grilling was not what she needed. She already knew that she had “messed-up”. She was acutely aware that her plans, while not impossible to pursue, would be more difficult to attain at best with a baby in tow. These things she had probably rehearsed in her mind and heart. I searched for something positive to say to her.

Trying to lighten the air, I said, ‘Well although this baby is not what you planned, you do know that she is not a mistake? God has a plan for her life. Your greatest responsibility will be to help her discover why she is here. What is the divine purpose for life.” I went on to share that she will need to make sure that this child is safe and healthy and given opportunities for mental and spiritual growth.

The more I shared with this student the more I realized that this has been my goal with my three twenty-something children. The educational support, the ballet classes, music lessons, karate classes, hand bell and choir concerts, Bible Studies, not to mention the hours spent on the sidelines of soccer games were all in an effort to help them find their purposes. Why were these children placed in my care? What could I do to make certain that they find out what their contribution to the world would be? There is an obvious fine line between exhausting our children with ceaseless activity and providing the exposure they will need in order to have choices in life. This, I believe, is a parents greatest challenge.

The student’s countenance lighted as I shared this slant on motherhood.. She said, “Wow, Ms. Rita, I never heard of that before. Thank you for telling me that.” I felt so much better. I did not want our exchange to leave her feeling any worse than I am sure she already did. I, on the other-hand, am still meditating on what I said to her. I hope I have helped my children find their purposes. I am aware that even though they are all grown-up, I believe my most important role in their lives is to help them discover, why they are here.