Monday, March 26, 2012

Purpose vs. Ego

Two decades ago while I was sitting in a training session for Reading Recovery Teachers the instructor made the following statement, "When we take our eyes off of the task at hand, we allow ego to interrupt the process." She was referring to the task of teaching struggling readers. The process was a scientifically proven process of instruction. She was making a point that if we follow the process that we had chosen to pursue, we would succeed. On the other hand, if we took it upon ourselves to veer from the scientifically proven method we would fail. As severe as it sounded, she was right about that method of teaching. After all, our purpose was to learn Reading Recovery teaching techniques. My focus here, however, is not on Reading Recovery but on the part that ego plays in the failing of one's purpose. I was working in the garden today, blowing leaves, pulling weeds and assessing what survived the winter and what did not. As I blew away the leaves, I made a startling discovery. Just underneath the mulchy, yucky wetness of the fall and winter's combined assortment of leaves and nuts and such, there was a flurry of activity. Juicy fat earthworms, busy centipedes, ants, spiders and some un-names creatures were busy preparing the ground for springs new crop. There was a part that was being played in this drama that I did not and could not, see. Furthermore, it was happening without my help or permission. It was happening because of purpose. The established purpose of this garden is to be a platform for nature's beauty in my yard. Once we establish purpose, things tend to go in the direction of that purpose unless we interfere. This is not to say that we do not play a part. We do. The interference usually manifests as a result of ego. Ego will cause us to interrupt the flow of things, change directions, change the purpose. There are things taking place just below the surface, on our behalf to help fulfill a purpose already established. For some time now, I have known exactly why I was put on this planet. I know how to do what I do. Actually, I am aware that I really do not know how to do what I do but somehow I am pretty good at it. It is extremely fulfilling. My purpose is well established. I am good at it. I love doing it and I am a blessing to others. Recently, I was presented with an opportunity that had nothing to do with my purpose. It was a good thing. It was a virtuous thing. Mostly, it was potentially quite lucrative. It had nothing to do with my purpose. Oh, I could have pulled it off. However, just because we can do something, it does not mean that it is what we should be doing. Especially, if the main motivation is fulfilling some aspect of ego's schemes: I can get this, I can get that, I can look this way, I can be a part of that group. All of these, not evil in themselves, but compared to purpose, are down right diabolical. They interrupt your flow.They change your direction. They create contrary,anxiety-causing, negative energy which confuse every thought and every action. Once I recognized it for what it was, an interruption, my peace was re-established. Things made sense to me again. I got back in the flow of my purpose. In the movie, The Help", the domestic constantly drilled into the little girl, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." She was a type of all loving maids who helped, in the absence of the mothers, to establish a life of purpose in the children. The main character was a type of all children who had been pointed in the direction of purpose, early in life. She chose to embrace and follow her own purposeful path. She was kind, even when it was unpopular. She was smart enough to get the attention of an important publisher for her innovative piece of work. She knew that her life's work was important enough to go against the status quo. Ego tempted her with a life of "social heredity", the right man, the right crowd...etc. However, her purpose had been established; kindness, smarts, importance. She knew what she had to do and the temptations of ego, although present, did not change her course. Success is a direct result of knowing and following purpose. Although, sometimes tedious. Although, long and difficult. Although, there are times when we must stand alone. It is worth it to follow our own life's path. This path is established by purpose. Ego is always present to try and assuage us to go in another direction. We must remain vigilant. We must keep in mind that just below the surface, there is a flurry of activity that we cannot see. Activity that is busy preparing a way for the fulfillment of our purpose. When our purpose is established, the Universe conspires with us to fulfill it. The enemy of purpose is ego. We should be ever vigilant in our pursuit to resist it.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Decisions, Decisions

On this exceptionally verdant, vernal equinox (it is 82 degrees and nature is responding with full color, vehicle covering, yellow pollen included), I have made a decision, at least for today, not to decide. Oh, there are many things that need to be decided. Seemingly important things like: who, what ,when, where and how things always require attention. There are things that folk commonly refer to as "pressing things". These things matter. I decided however, that today at least, I will not do any deciding. This not-deciding is foreign for me. I am a decider.

Every morning I begin my deciding with coffee, my latest journal (I have stacks of them) and my daily planner. The journal is first and takes me through my first cup of coffee. I decide what went well and what went not-so-well yesterday. I chronicle these events. For things that went well, I offer thanksgiving. For things that did not go so well, I seek solutions. Then, I decide. I decide based on the flowers and thorns of yesterday, what I must seek to accomplish today.

This is the point at which the second cup of coffee and planner come into play. The planner is my way of deciding to control my propensity for A.D.H.D. behavior by substituting O.C.D. behavior. These are self diagnoses, of course. So, I write those things that I have decided, I must do. I even write "read" and "write" in the planner everyday because I decided a while ago that these are important daily rituals.(See what I mean....O.C.D.) Then, I write down obligations or opportunities that I have decided to attend to that day.

As my day goes on, I check off each, must-do, obligation and opportunity as I complete them. This list begins my day of deciding. At the end of the day, I feel satisfied or dissatisfied depending on the number of things that I was able to put a check next to. This "check" is my personal seal of self-approval. Most of the things on my list, I decide, must be done. Some things, I decide , are not that important in the great scheme of things. (This is why I carry liquid paper in my purse.) At the end of the day, I decide if I have made good decisions.

Well, not today! I am going to have a decision free day. I am going to enjoy seeing the green returning to the trees, the birds singing and even the ubiquitous pollen. I know that the pollen signifies springs decision to appear early and the beauty soon to follow. I am truly going to enjoy this day sans journal and planner.

OK...I have actually made two decisions while writing this. The first is that I am going to switch from coffee to herbal teas. I think that coffee may be the instigator of my obsessive deciding. The second decision is never to refer to myself as A.D.H.D or O.C.D. again. Everything, after all, begins with a decision.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Why All Children Need an Education in the Arts

Education in the arts is a vital part of the development of each child. Studies have shown that Arts Education, education in the music, dance, theatre, and the visual arts, is a key component in improving learning throughout all academic areas.

The Arts cannot be learned effectively through occasional or random exposure any more than math or science can. The arts enhance the process of learning. They nourish our senses, attention, understanding, emotions, and physicality. They are the driving forces behind all other learning. (Jensen, 2001).

"Students who participate in the arts generally do better in academics."The Fine Arts also provide students with benefits such as promoting self-esteem, motivation, aesthetic awareness, cultural exposure, creativity, improved emotional expression, as well as, social harmony and appreciation of diversity. Students who participate in the arts, work and play well with others.

We,at Treasure Arts, Inc. believe that the practice of working in a group, cooperating with fellow artists, sharing a stage and collaborating with others to solve problems will contribute to the reduction of negatives in life. Anger, violence and bullying will all be reduced.

We want to give young people the opportunity to participate in the Fine Arts regardless of their economic position. We want all children to have the advantage of expressing themselves through the arts.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Teaching Our Children the Importance of Giving Back

During my annual, “What do want to accomplish this year” meditation in early January, I realized that this would be a year when I wanted to do a lot of volunteering. I would treat “sowing seed” in my community as a vocation. So, I sought out occasions to give.
I began by preparing dinner once day per month at a local shelter for women and children. That has been a very satisfying experience. On several occasions, I was accompanied by one or more of my twenty-something children. They loved it. My 13 year old niece reluctantly went with me on one of these times of service. She was surprised at how gratifying it was. My 17 year old niece was required by her school to do community service in order to graduate. She so enjoyed living and working with the children at a camp for children with special needs. She plans to do it again next summer just for the joy of it. She bonded with several of the children and wants to remain in their lives.

This summer I found myself volunteering at 4 different camps. I have noticed that in each instance, other volunteers brought their teen-aged children along. I realize that part of the motivation in the summer is that the kids need to be “somewhere” so they might as well follow the mothers to volunteer. However, the other motivation must be how rewarding it is to see your children/teens doing something totally unselfish in the “I-Me-My” world that our children live in.

I noticed back during the winter holiday season that many people put money in their children’s hands to put in the red buckets outside of department stores. What a wonderful way to get even toddlers into the habit of giving.

With all of the problems that we have experienced over the past decade: tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes, wars…etc. we can find some redemption in the fact that more of us are sharing the blessings of benevolence with our children. Teachers are encouraging their classes to collect money, prepare gifts, write letters and serve in other ways. Following up with these lessons at home by allowing our children to see us
“paying-it-forward” unites us in a way that should make us all very proud.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

The Greatest Role

Recently, a colleague and I noticed a former student going down the hall of the high school where we teach fine arts classes. This 12th grade girl was noticeably pregnant. We were both horrified. We called the student into the room where we were and began the normal interrogation. ‘How could you have let this happen?” “Didn’t you know better?” “Why did you not protect yourself?” We had spoken to this girl a few months ago. She was so full of hope for her future. She planned to be a physician; a psychologist. We had spoken to her at length about schools and majors and the time that it would take to reach her goals. She knew who she was and who she wanted to become.

As my colleague and I discussed with her the obvious change of plans this beautiful, bright young woman became visibly upset. I began to think that this grilling was not what she needed. She already knew that she had “messed-up”. She was acutely aware that her plans, while not impossible to pursue, would be more difficult to attain at best with a baby in tow. These things she had probably rehearsed in her mind and heart. I searched for something positive to say to her.

Trying to lighten the air, I said, ‘Well although this baby is not what you planned, you do know that she is not a mistake? God has a plan for her life. Your greatest responsibility will be to help her discover why she is here. What is the divine purpose for life.” I went on to share that she will need to make sure that this child is safe and healthy and given opportunities for mental and spiritual growth.

The more I shared with this student the more I realized that this has been my goal with my three twenty-something children. The educational support, the ballet classes, music lessons, karate classes, hand bell and choir concerts, Bible Studies, not to mention the hours spent on the sidelines of soccer games were all in an effort to help them find their purposes. Why were these children placed in my care? What could I do to make certain that they find out what their contribution to the world would be? There is an obvious fine line between exhausting our children with ceaseless activity and providing the exposure they will need in order to have choices in life. This, I believe, is a parents greatest challenge.

The student’s countenance lighted as I shared this slant on motherhood.. She said, “Wow, Ms. Rita, I never heard of that before. Thank you for telling me that.” I felt so much better. I did not want our exchange to leave her feeling any worse than I am sure she already did. I, on the other-hand, am still meditating on what I said to her. I hope I have helped my children find their purposes. I am aware that even though they are all grown-up, I believe my most important role in their lives is to help them discover, why they are here.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Bucket List
I have given some thought to the idea a of developing personal bucket list. It is my understanding that a "bucket list" is a list of things that you might like to accomplish or at least experience before you die. It seems to me that the usual "bucket list" comes about as a result of a revelation of one's mortality. In the movie, The Bucket List, the principal characters have been given a death sentence by their physicians and as a result, they decide to do the things that they feel that they must do before dying. Well, that sounds good. Actually, I have a bucket list of sorts. It includes; visiting the Grand Canyon with my mind and heart so focused on the awesomeness of God that I almost have an out-of-body experience (at least that is the way I imagine it) and going to Greece and dancing among the ruins the way Martha Graham did, also having an out-of body experience. Come to think of it, many of my bucket list items would include the possibility of an out-of-body experience. I guess I enjoy the idea of teetering between dimensions.
However, since I tend to be more of a glass-half-full kind of person, I have decided that there must be better motivation for a to-do list than the revelation of my mortality. I am not in denial. I would just rather embrace the idea of what I might get to do instead of what I must hurry and do before...
So, here is a list of things that I would love to have the privilege of doing starting tomorrow.

~see my children's dreams come true
~do one random act of kindness daily
~visit the Grand Canyon ( I already mentioned the spiritual part)
~forgive someone that does not deserve it (that’ll show them!)
~go to Greece and dance among the ruins (like Martha Graham did)
~love someone who is totally unlovable
~ride the Orient Express
~go on safari in Kenya and take award winning photos
~be patient when I would be justified to be anxious
~see the beauty in something or someone that is aesthetically challenged
~go to New Zealand and visit elementary schools-I hear that they are incredibly effective
~spend one night in an ice motel in Canada (just one --brrrrrr)
~be caught up in reading the latest children's books
~have a meal alfresco in Tuscany with my three children
~meet someone that is capable of unconditional love (Oh wait, I already did that- Yeshua)
~dig a well somewhere where there is no water
~be a best selling author
~wear a size 6 again
~spend a week at a spa retreat in Egypt (sounds almost redundant, huh?)
~visit the Amazon Forrest and take award winning photos
~cruise in Alaska
~help to build a Habitat House
~teach lots of people, young and old, how to read
~be a consistently better person
~inspire others to be consistently better people
~get a part in a Broadway Musical (it can be a small part)
.....to be continued......

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Growing Up

Today, I heard the first lady of the United States say, "The question that I do not like to hear young people asked is, 'What do you want to be when you grow up?" She went on to say that she, in her mid-forties still does not know. I have often had the same thought...I do not know what I want to be when I grow up. At 53, I have completed a career (in teaching), begun another in the non-profit sector and still wake up excited about the possibilities that life holds. My three beautiful twenty-something children have affectionately nick-named me “Peter Pan“. Partly, because I jump around a lot. There was no diagnosis for ADHA in the 50’s.
Maybe, because I am 5 feet 1 inch tall and wear my hair short and still get really giddy when I see a rainbow.
More likely it is because, I refuse to get old and settle into what life seems to have dealt me. Every time I teach something new to my students, whether teaching ballet or tutoring a reading student, I seem to discover something new about myself and about life itself.
I do not know what I want to be when I grow up because.....I am resisting the whole idea of growing up. I have observed adults. Their glasses are half empty and evaporating rapidly. They accept things like being over weight and arthritis and digestive disorders and being out-of-the-loop of technology as if they are the trophies of decades breathing. The more decades they’ve sucked air into their lungs, the more curses they gladly invite on their person. Um......NO! Why do people grow up if that is what they have to look forward too?
Why do people invite this? A seventy year old ( actually 10 but that is dog years) Sussex won the Westminster Dog Show recently. Selah!
So, I prefer to think of so called “middle-aged-spread” as natures way to tell me to wake-up and pay attention to my body if I did not do it prior to the wake-up call. It’s time to modify the intake of empty calories and increase the exercise level. I see graying hair as a token of longevity or a call to get a make-over. Make-overs are fun! The desire for a red convertible is more than the mark of a "crises”. It is actually a reminder that I no longer need to make room for a car-seat and I might actually be able to use that empty-nest-extra-cash for a really big shiny toy. As for that (ahem) new relationship...I can become the new person in the relationship or since that did not quite work out, I just might embrace the possibility of becoming a cougar. Ha Ha That is new!
I heard someone say today, “Life is not certain, eat desert first.” (Then, be prepared to exercise, of course)
I guess this rant is just to say, “LIVE, for-goodness-sake”. Life is amazing. God is amazing. If anyone or anything has tried to drain you of your desire to live and grow. If circumstances have caused you to forget your child-like-ness. If you think that age or environment or relationships or detours have made you forget that life is new EVERYDAY. Know this, literally, everyday is a re-birth. Yesterday is irrelevant if you have a fresh thought today. Yesterday was merely a stepping stone to today. You survived yesterday just so you could get to today. 20-30-40’s were preparation for the 50’s.

I am so excited!!! I don’t think I will grow up today either. I will receive the morning air as a kiss from God. I will feel the wind as an embrace that I have never felt. I will listen for a new sound in an old song. I will try to have some new experience today even if it is as simple as walking into a new shop to see what it smells like. (I do not have to buy anything)
Middle-age brings so many new possibilities, adventures even angles.
So, I am going to decide what I want to be when I grow up and then do it with out the growing up part.